It was a very long and boring sermon.
As one parishioner left the church, he said: "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God."
The pastor was thrilled: "Really? Tell me why."
"Because it endured forever."
I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.
I didn't get pulled over or anything...
I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
I said to my doctor, "I'm having serious problems with my memory."
He said, "Give me an example."
I said, "The other day I spent two hours in a multi-story car park trying to remember where I'd parked my car."
He laughed and said, "That's nothing to worry about, we've all done that."
I said, "But I don't own a car."
I've pursued riches all my life...
My only regret is that I didn't catch any.