Best Jokes

Joe: "I've heard about your wit."

Moe: "Oh, that's nothing."

Joe: "Yeah, that's what I've heard."

The Pastor began his sermon with a question to the congregation. "Does anyone know the difference between sins of commission and sins of omission?"

After a few moments of silence a young man spoke up and said, "Sins of commission are things that we have done that were sinful. Sins of omission are sins we should have done but just haven't got around to yet."

I went to a National Park once and was very concerned about being attacked by a grizzly bear while hiking. I stopped at the Ranger Station and asked how to keep from being a victim of a bear attack.

He said to wear little bells around my ankles and keep pepper spray handy. He said they sold both there at the ranger station. The Ranger also told me the best way to tell if a bear was in the area was to look for fresh droppings.

He said if the droppings were small and round it was probably a black bear and an attack was unlikely. He said it was grizzly bear droppings if it had little bells in it and smelled like pepper spray.

When I'm finally holding all the right cards...

Everyone wants to play chess!