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Favorite this joke A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer.
Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"
Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air."
Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test."
Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."
Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."
Man: "Can't do that either."
Officer: "Why not?"
Man: "Because I'm dead drunk!"
It has been proven that the chances of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That one's too skinny. What else have you got"? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
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