Best Jokes

Son: Dad... can I have $450 to buy a moped?

Dad: Son, listen to me very carefully. Due to the escalation of my personal monetary obligations brought on by spiraling inflation and the ever-fluctuating ramifications of the Petro-dollar, it behooves me to rule in the extreme negative when responding to my male issue.

Son: Huh?!? I don’t get it!

Dad: Exactly.

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Doctor and patient conversation.

Doctor: "Can you give me your name and date of birth?"

Patient: "Why? Are you not happy with yours?"

Doctor: "Let's just move on shall we... can you take a deep breathe for me?"

Patient: "Have you tried oxygen?"

A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."