Best Jokes

Two people got into an argument.

One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!"

The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"

* Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor--and you don't care.

* You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

* Popsicle's become a food staple.

* Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

* You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on you!

* You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

* You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

* Your kid throws up and you catch it.

* You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."

Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."

A family from the country hills was visiting the big city for the first time. They stayed in a high-rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was.

After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the girl looked up at her mom, "Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?" she asked.

"I don't rightly know, girl," the mother replied.

Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes comes out.

The mother leans over to her daughter and says, "Girl, go and get your Pa!"