Best Jokes

Ever wonder why there is an expiration date on sour cream?

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one-two-three-four,' because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool of yourself."

The sales rep was ecstatic. He tried it at home and gave a fabulous presentation. He tried it at work with his co-workers, and got a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom and the CEO signaled him to start. The sales rep whispered under his breath, "One-two-three."

Then the CEO asked, "What did you say 'one-two-three' for?"

Daughter: "Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?"

Dad: "When you're a year older than your brother."

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: "But I'll never be older than my brother, he was born first."

Dad: "I guess there's your answer. But don't blame me, go talk to your brother."

What do you call a bird of prey perched on a priest's pulpit?

An altar eagle.