Best Jokes

President: I can't sign this bill, it's completely absurd. If I turn this into law it will raise taxes by 5 percent and extend the work week to six days instead of five.

Congress: Please note Mr. President on page 5027, under subsection 22, clause B, it exempts all members of the executive and the judicial branches as well as congress for life. Plus we all get a 50 percent raise and enhanced retirement benefits.

President: Perfect, got a pen?

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"

The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. "Not again..."

You don't need to wear spurs on both boots... If one side of a horse starts to run, so will the other.

What did the Super Nova say to the cop when he was pulled over for speeding?

"You can't give me a ticket. I'm a BIG STAR!"