Best Jokes

What do you call it when you put all your borrowed money in a single place, isolated from all your other money?

A loan to gather.... [Alone Together]

In 1996, Peter was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1996, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

A journalist was interviewing a European frog attending an American Football game.

Q. Do you enjoy American Football?
A. Yes, but I prefer Cricket.

Q. I see, you prefer Cricket over Football is that correct?
A. No, I prefer cricket over popcorn.

A teenager invited his girlfriend over to Sunday dinner to meet his parents for the first time. He warned her that his mother can be strong willed and very critical of his friends.

She replied, "Don’t worry, I can hold my own. I’ll nicely put her in her place if need be."

After dinner the teen asked his girlfriend why she hadn’t stood up to his mother. She answered by saying, "I’m not worried about her, it’s the horde of flying monkeys that must be waiting outside that bothers me."