Best Jokes

Enticed by a television promotion, my wife ordered a popular exercise machine on a 30-day trial offer.

Two weeks later she decided not to buy it, and called UPS to arrange for pickup.

The next day the UPS driver arrived at our house. "Oh, no, not another one of these," he said. "All I've been doing is delivering these machines, then picking them up. The only person getting exercise from these things is me!"

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

When I was young, a bully was trying to pick a fight with me.

He said, "My dad can whoop your dad!"

I replied, "So what, so can my mom!"