Heard at an optometrist's convention... "The Eyes have it."
After a tiring day at work, a husband was able to sneak out an hour early. He just wanted to get home and lie down in bed next to his wife.
He gets home and slides into bed next to his sleeping wife. But then he hears a sound coming from underneath. He puts his hand under the bed, expecting to feel the wet nose or tongue of his dog Buddy. He asks, "Is that you, Buddy?"
His hand gets licked and then he hears, "Yes, it's me, Buddy."
Grade school children were asked the question, "Why did your mom marry your dad?"
These are some responses:
1. She got too old to do anything else with him.
2. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
3. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and Mom eats a lot!
Did you hear about the guy who was wanted by a bank?
He was in debt with them, so he was wanted, "Debtor Alive"!