Best Jokes

On a boat...

Captain (boasting): This boat makes twenty knots an hour!

Passenger: How long does it take the crew to untie them?

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it."

So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."

My new girlfriend works at the zoo...

I think she's a keeper!

Applicant: Shows up 45 minutes late for interview to be a cable installer.

Interviewer: “You’re hired.”