Best Jokes

My wife told me I was incapable of multitasking.

So I got drunk and embarrassed her at the same time.

My wife and I went to the dog park yesterday. There was an elderly lady trying to coax her resistant toy poodle to come to her.

Being one that doesn’t mind helping others I picked up the little critter and passed it over to her.

She scowled at me and scurried off. I mentioned to my wife the lady wasn’t very grateful.

My wife replied by saying, “Perhaps you shouldn’t have used the pooper scooper.”

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

Pulling into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center
rolled down the car windows to make sure my puppy had
fresh air. She was stretched full out on the back seat and I
wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I
walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car
and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? "Stay!
Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young lady, gave
me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"