Best Jokes

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom... think of something to ask it."

As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

A friend asked what parenting toddlers is like.

So I hid her keys, headbutted her in the face, and then told her I love her more than the stars.

My mother-in-law is coming...

I had to clear out half my closet so she could have a place to hang upside down and sleep.

In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian.

“Do you mean to say,” he asked, “that with this card I may take out any book I want?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“And may I take out record albums, too?”

“Yes, you may.”

“May I take you out?” he ventured.

Drawing herself up to her full height, she replied, “The librarians, sir, are for reference only.”