Best Jokes

A couple that just moved into their new home in the suburbs were told they ought to get a watchdog to guard their premises at night. So they bought the largest dog that was for sale in the kennels of a nearby dealer.

Shortly afterwards the house was entered by burglars, who made away with a good haul while the dog slept. The householder went to the kennel dealer and told him about it.

"Well, what you need now," said the dealer, "is a little dog to wake up the big dog."

Two men were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into the lion's eyes and then runs. The second man stays, unmoved.

The first man looks back and shouts, "Why are you not running?"

The second man replies, "Why should I be running? You're the one who threw the sand."

Three Engineering students at a prestigious university were sharing a can of "one-calorie" diet cola. After pouring it equally into three cups one of them drank his. Then the second drank hers.

The third Engineer just stared at the cup suspiciously. "I wonder who got the calorie?"

A man, in his carefree bachelor days, had been very fond of a Washington restaurant which specialized in waffles with honey. Year after year he had visited this place to get this very delectable meal, so when he married, he decided to to take his wife there so they could share the pleasure together. He did not tell her what was coming, merely ordering an excellent meal with two orders of waffles.

The meal came, the waffles came but there were two small pitchers of near maple syrup, but no honey.

He called the waitress over and whispered loud enough for his wife to hear, "Where's my honey?"

The waitress beamed intelligently, "She's on vacation and will be back next week."