Best Jokes

My neighbor, a tailor, has a new job.

I asked him how much he enjoyed it.

"It's Sew-Sew."

A frustrated husband sits in front of his laptop:

Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife... please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.

Thanks.

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books.

After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.

“Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring, this will have to do,” he said as he firmly stamped my hand.

Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read... “NOT FOR CIRCULATION".