Best Jokes

An accountant got out of bed one morning and complained that he had not slept a wink.

“Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked.

“I did, and that’s what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied. “I made a mistake the first hour, and it took until this morning to correct it.”

I had just moved to an address between Sunrise Ave. and Sunset Blvd., one of Sacramento's major streets, and was explaining to a clerk where my home was located for billing purposes.

"I live between Sunrise and Sunset," I told her.

"Oh, Honey," she knowingly replied, "we all do."

What is muffins spelled backwards?

Exactly what you do when you take them out the oven.

Ken and Jim were fortunate in that they each had a season ticket to watch The Kansas City Royals. However, they had a friend Ed who would give his right arm for a season ticket. They could not help noticing that there was always an empty seat next to theirs.

One day, during a rain delay, Ken and Jim went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for their friend. The man at the window said, "Sorry men, that seat has already been sold."

Nevertheless, game after game, it was still empty. Then on Labor day, much to Ken and Jim's amazement, for the first time that season, the seat was full. Jim could not resist asking the newcomer, "Where have you been all season?"

"Don't ask," he said. "The wife bought this season ticket back in March, and gave it to me yesterday for a surprise Birthday present."