Best Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell jokes to an egg?

Because it may crack up!

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her there, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart." 

Little Johnny went fishing with his dad, who had his fishing license on the back of his hat.

After a while they had caught no fish when Little Johnny offered the following suggestion: "Dad, turn your hat around so the fish can see your license."

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son.

"Don’t be nervous, son, just do your best and remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."