John: What did the bug say to the windshield when he crashed into it?
Fred: I don't know. what?
John: That's me all over you! And do you know what the windshield said to the bug?
Fred: I don't know.
John: Bet you don't have the guts to do that again! Okay, do you know what was the last thing that went through the bugs mind when he hit the windshield?
Fred: No, but I bet it's good.
John: His rear end.
I went to a National Park once and was very concerned about being attacked by a grizzly bear while hiking. I stopped at the Ranger Station and asked how to keep from being a victim of a bear attack.
He said to wear little bells around my ankles and keep pepper spray handy. He said they sold both there at the ranger station. The Ranger also told me the best way to tell if a bear was in the area was to look for fresh droppings.
He said if the droppings were small and round it was probably a black bear and an attack was unlikely. He said it was grizzly bear droppings if it had little bells in it and smelled like pepper spray.
"Yes, I came face to face with a lion once, and as luck would have it, I was alone and without a gun."
"What did you do?"
"What could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer. I had to think fast.”
"How did you get away?"
"I just left him and moved on to the next zoo exhibit."
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern.
Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.
The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other, and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.