animal jokes

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other, and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.

The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"

You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.

It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.

You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.

You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.

You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.

You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog.

You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.

You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.

You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog.

You've learned to force a smile when asked, "Do you have a saddle for that thing?"

Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.

Little fishy in the sea,
How I wish I could catch thee.
Take you home as a new found pet,
Get you checked out by my vet.

Buy you glasses
A little coat,
Some fin mittens,
A tie that floats.

Send you to college to get a degree
Oh my gosh, what you're costing me!
That tie! The vet!
Oh the prices I've paid!
The next thing you're getting,
I'm afraid, is filleted.