The Stork family sits down to dinner. The momma stork asks the daddy stork, "So how was your day dear?"
"Well", he replied, "I flew North and South all day, making people happy. And how was your day?"
She answers, "Pretty much the same. I flew East and West making families happy."
They both turn to junior Stork, "And how was your day?", they asked.
Junior Stork tells them, "I had a blast! I flew all over, scaring the heck out of college students!"
One day an ape escaped from the zoo. They searched for it everywhere. They announced his disappearance, but no one reported seeing the ape.
At last, he was discovered in the public library. Officials of the zoo as well as the animal handlers went there as soon as possible.
They found the ape sitting at a desk with two books spread out in front of him. It was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible and the other written by Darwin.
The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing. The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother?"
When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.
"How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked.
Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in.
When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment... an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.
“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”
As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”