When a rattlesnake got loose in the second-floor hall of the science building at my university, it created quite a furor. Fortunately, one of the professors was an expert on snakes.
An agitated student ran to fetch him, urging him to come quickly, as a dangerous snake was loose and terrorizing everyone in the building.
The professor leisurely strolled out into the hall, examined the snake from head to tail, and calmly returned to his office. “It’s not one of mine,” he said, and closed the door.
A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.
She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.
“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer and stripes make you look fat.”
A yellow Labrador walks into a job referral agency and asks if they have any openings for him. After the receptionist picks herself up off the floor, she asks the dog to come back in an hour. The dog agrees and walks out. As soon as the dog leaves she calls the circus and asks if they can use a talking dog.
"Of course," says the owner, "send him down."
An hour later, the dog walks back into the agency and the receptionist yells that she has a job for the dog in the circus.
To which the dog replies, "What does the circus want with a carpenter?"