animal jokes
Favorite this joke The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"
You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.
It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.
You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.
You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.
You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog.
You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.
You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.
You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog.
You've learned to force a smile when asked, "Do you have a saddle for that thing?"
Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.
Little fishy in the sea,
How I wish I could catch thee.
Take you home as a new found pet,
Get you checked out by my vet.
Buy you glasses
A little coat,
Some fin mittens,
A tie that floats.
Send you to college to get a degree
Oh my gosh, what you're costing me!
That tie! The vet!
Oh the prices I've paid!
The next thing you're getting,
I'm afraid, is filleted.
A man comes home from work, expecting his dog to welcome him with nothing but excitement.
Dog: "I saw you out there."
Me: "What?"
Dog: "I saw you pet the neighbor's dog."
Me: "I was just..."
Dog: (crying) "Did you rub his belly? DID YOU ASK IF HE WAS A GOOD BOY?!"
At the end of a visit to Amsterdam, a friend borrowed an old suitcase from his hosts to carry home his souvenirs. At the airport, however, a customs officer subjected our friend’s luggage to a thorough search and even sent for a drug-sniffing dog. Sure enough, the dog entered the area, headed straight for the borrowed bag and went into a frenzy. The customs officer now intensified his search, but ultimately he found nothing.
After arriving home, the young man immediately phoned his hosts and told them how puzzled he’d been by the dog’s behavior.
“Perhaps,” the owner of the suitcase said, “it was because that’s the bag our cat usually sleeps in.”
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