What do you call a dog wearing earplugs?
It doesn't matter – it can't hear you anyway!
A weasel is dining at a restaurant. He takes his seat and starts looking over the menu.
The waiter then asks, "What can I get you to drink, sir?"
"Oh, not much. Just a diet pop," goes the weasel.
Why is the Sea horse the most intelligent animal?
Because when reproducing, it is the only animal where the female says to the male, "Here's the eggs, you deal with them!"
My favorite animal is my dog, because every time I ask him, "How do I look?"...
He always answers me by saying, "Wow! Wow!"