What do you call an egotistical person serving a prison sentence? An I-con.
A guy was admitted into a hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach... His condition is now stable.
There was a sign hanging in the window of a dry cleaners I passed by. It read: "So-and-So Dry Cleaners. Working on the same spot for 72 years!"
What did one candle say to another? I may be going out tonight.