Valentine Day sign at the local produce store:
I love you... from my head TO-MA-TOES!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the laundromat?
He woke up an hour ago.
What is it called when you get sick while riding in a carpool?
CAR POOL TUNNEL SYNDROME.
Mom: Why did you decide to study earthquakes?
Tom: I just cracked up!
Sammy: Why did you steal that broom?
Tammy: I flew off the handle!
Nan: Why did you knock over the Chinese Checkers?
Dan: I lost my marbles!
Jenny: Why did you chase that squirrel?
Lenny: I went nuts!
Jon: Why did you throw all those baseballs?
Ron: I pitched a fit!
Kay: Why did you burn the pancakes?
Jay: I flipped out!
Jerry: Why did you jump in the pool?
Terry: I went off the deep end!