Best Jokes

My wife asked me why I call her 12?

Dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen do anything...

My wife was shopping and sent me a picture of her in a dress she was thinking of buying and asked me, “Does this dress make me look big?”

I answered back, "Noooo..."

Autocorrect changed my answer, to “Moooo...”

Please send help!

Jane Benson returned home from college one day to see her family. While chatting together at dinner, her five year old brother Joey overheard Jane speaking about her boyfriend William. "I thought his name was Billy." Joey said.

His mother replied, "William is another name for Billy, dear."

That night, before Joey went to bed, Jane came to see him. "Would you like me to read you an anecdote?" she asked. Joey tilted his head curiously. "What's an anecdote?"

"An anecdote is a tale." Jane replied.

After reading Joey his bedtime story, Jane gets up to leave. "Would you like me to douse the light?" she asked. Joey looked at her curiously again. "What's douse mean?"

"Douse means to put out." Jane replied.

The next day, Jane took her younger siblings to a local petting zoo. "How was the petting zoo?" their parents asked upon their return home.

"It was great!" Joey replied. "I saw a William goat get into one of the cages, but one of the keepers took him by the anecdote and doused him."