A physician had just finished up a colonoscopy.
Before the patient leaves, he asks the physician, "Could you write a note for my wife, saying that my head isn't really up there?"
I ordered from a catalog product number 699.
Today, I I received a package with the number 669 on the side.
I called customer service and my they told me to turn the package over.
What would you call something that cleans vacuums?
"Vacuum Cleaner" is already taken.
My brother was having a tough time losing weight.
Our sister thought he should cut back gradually, so one day she asked, “Mike would you like to split a doughnut with me?”
Mike answered, “Want to split two?”