What do you call it when your mother's sisters all gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil Aunties
I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics.
Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.
Does your left eye hurt?
Because you've been looking right all day.
A guy runs into a bar and just starts jogging in circles around the interior with his eyes shut.
"Holy crap! That's Bob, and I think he's sleep walking. Heck, he's sleep running!" the waitress exclaims to the bartender.
"He sure is fast asleep," the bartender replied.