Best Jokes

$12.00 won 2 votes

You know it's just too hot when...

1. Fireflies are asking you to put them out.

2. Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

3. Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

4. Your sweatpants are sweating and you're not even wearing them!

5. The thermometer resigned.

6. The National Weather Service says its too hot to declare a heat advisory.

2 votes

posted by "aod318" |
2 votes

Me: Mom, you're invading my personal space.

Mom: Well, you came out of my personal space, so that makes us even.

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Dan the Man 009" |
$6.00 won 2 votes

A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.

Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.

Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!

Judge: Really! Why is that?

Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?

Judge: Case dismissed!

2 votes

posted by "Raj Padmanathan " |
2 votes

Sharon: I tell you, Doctor, even though I’m dieting, I’m still gaining weight!

Doctor: You might be pregnant.

Sharon: What?! That can’t be, I use birth control pills!

Doctor: That’s not a hundred percent certain.

Sharon: Then what is?

Doctor: Abstinence.

Sharon: Would you give me a prescription for it?

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Dan the Man 009" |