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Favorite this joke A couple moved to the country after retirement. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought a sub-sonic mouse repellent, a plug-in type that emits some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellent. He told her that it worked on everything from mice to elephants.
"Really!?" she said. "Mice to elephants, eh?" sounding a bit skeptical.
"Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now, and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
A woman buys many gallons of milk from the milkman one day.
"Why do you need so much milk?" the mailman asks.
The lady replies, "I heard that taking baths in milk makes you healthier and prettier."
The milkman asks, "Would you like the milk pasteurized?"
She answers, "No, just up to the neck".
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter "playing wedding."
The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
An elderly couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my the woman said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously.
"Yep," stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special," she replied.
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," she exclaimed.
She took the two eggs home.
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