Best Jokes

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise..."

"Ah! So sorry everyone," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck."

Two people walk into a gas station.

The first one says, "These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!"

The second replies, "It doesn't affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth."

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Doctor, what's going on?" asked the concerned father-to-be.

"Don't worry," said the doctor, "those are just contractions."