One of my job responsibilities is to input employee self-evaluations.
There was a junior manager's self-evaluation, which said in part, "I have been on the job for three months, and I finally feel as if I've accomplished something."
I made one mistake, however. I replaced the word 'job' with 'John'.
A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. The man asked the woman, "What will you do if die?"
After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then she inquired, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
Hearing his wife as she sings, the husband says, "You know dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on the radio."
The wife smiles and replies, "Wow honey, you think I am that good?"
"No, but at least that way I can change the station or turn it off."