Best Jokes

It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.

Policeman: Why, those dirty crooks!

What do you call 1st President George Washington's false teeth?

PRESI-DEN-TURES!