A friend of mine went on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant. It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.
Twenty years later we were in London on business and were watching a circus procession pass by. When along comes an elephant, as it gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk and lift him into the air and smashes him into the ground.
It was a different elephant.
Looking at a home in a new neighborhood the prospective buyer ask the man next door: "Besides yourself, how many knaves do you suppose live on this street?"
"Besides myself?" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me?"
"Well then," said the first. "How many do you reckon including yourself?"
Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Teacher: "What's the chemical formula for carbon-dioxide??
Student: "COCO."
Teacher: "COCO? What do you mean, COCOC?"
Student: "Well, you said in the last class that's it CO two."