One day teacher asked Sam if his father helped him with his homework.
Sam simply said - “No, he did it all by himself”!
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry, sir, the spider in your salad will get it."
A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge.
Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with?
Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery.
Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.
Your mama's teeth are so rotten...
When she smiles... it looks like dice!