A Washington reporter was awakened by her husband in the middle of the night. "I think there's a thief in the house," he said.
"No doubt," she said sleepily. "And there are a handful in the Senate, too."
Attending the funeral of a close friend I thought I recognized a lady I had not seen in 25 years.
I went up to her and said, "You look like Helen Black..."
She replied and walked away, "You don't look so good in brown!"
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent.
At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."
"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how surprised I am, I'm her mother!"