Best Jokes

$5.00 won 7 votes

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.

But don’t worry...

I’ll return!

7 votes

Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
7 votes

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued, “every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man...

... and his re-seeding heir line.

7 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "barber7796" |
$5.00 won 7 votes

Jose was chatting with his friend Pablo. He said to Pablo, “My wife is a BIG spendthrift. She keeps asking me for more and more money every week.”

Pablo asked, “But what does she spend all that money on?”

Jose replied, “Who knows, I never give her any money.”

7 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "WomenPower" |
$25.00 won 7 votes
 

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes!

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done! You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said three?

Genie: Well go ahead, sue me.

7 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Ryan Faidley" |