Best Jokes

Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”

Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”

“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”

After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.

“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”

Son: Dad, I want to get married.

Father: First, tell me you're sorry.

Son: For what?

Father: Say sorry.

Son: But for what ? What did I do?

Father: Just say sorry.

Son: But...what have i done wrong ?

Father: Say sorry!

Son: WHY?

Father: Say sorry!!

Son: Please, just tell me why?

Father: Say sorry!!!

Son: OK, Dad...i'm sorry!

Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

“A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?”

“Gladiator?”

“No, I really miss her.”