A man went to his doctor complaining about terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live.”
The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying himself. He told his boss what he thought of him and quit his job. Then he took all his money out of the bank and bought a sports coat, 10 new suits, and 15 pairs of new shoes.
Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he could find. The tailor measured and wrote down 16 neck.
“Wait a moment,” the man interrupted. “I always wear a size 14 neck, and that’s what I want.”
“I’ll be glad to do it for you, sir,” the tailor replied. However, if you wear a size 14 neck your going to get terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells.”
A Russian arrives at a friends house with a bottle of vodka. The friend silently leads him into the dining room where they both sit at the table with the bottle. Not a word is spoken.
The friend goes off and returns with two vodka glasses. The Russian fills the two glasses with the vodka, and they begin to drink. Not a word is spoken.
After much silence and a half-empty bottle, the Russian ventures a comment, “Good vodka, agree?”
At this, the friend slams down his glass and replies, “Did you come here to talk or to drink?”