The morning before Christmas Adam arose and said, "It's Christmas, Eve."
Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion.
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time...
So I bought a puppy to cheer me up.