Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Woman Friend: "No wonder Edith won't look at you. It's your fault. You act like a fool, fawning and cringing before her. Its like you don't care to call your soul your own."
Mr. Wormley: "Don't women like that kind of thing?"
Woman Friend: "Well, not until after marriage."
My neighbor shaves 15-20 times a day...
No, he's not crazy... he's just a barber.
On the first day of class the chemistry professor was asking around the room the elements in the periodic table. "Jones, what does HNO3 signify?
Jones, searching for the answer replied, "Well, ah, I've got it right on the tip of my tongue, sir."
Professor: "Well, you better spit it out. It's nitric acid."