A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis, but being a dedicated employee, he went to work. The boss felt rather sorry for the worker and didn't want him to do any physical labor, as they were repairing a part of the freeway.
He says, "Why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?"
The worker is glad for the easy day. He stops the first vehicle. "Sir," he whispers, his throat feeling worse, "please slow down, there's a road crew up ahead."
"Okay," the driver whispers back, "I'll try not to wake them."
The Doctor, after examining the lady who had been brought into the EMERGENCY ROOM, said to the husband: "I'm afraid your wife is not looking well."
The husband replied, "I agree with you Doc, but she is a good cook and is great with the kids."
A woman walked into my father's carpet store. She'd just moved out of her parents' home and needed something for her new living room.
"Do you know how big the room is?" my father asked her.
"Yes," she said. "It's 22 flip-flops long by 18 flip-flops wide... and I wear a size 8."