Latest Jokes

A man was arrested by the police after he stole his neighbor's clothes straight from the clothesline...

He claimed he was doing online shopping.

My husband, who thinks he is always right, had just got home wearing his new orthopedic shoes when he uttered words I never expected to hear...

"I STAND CORRECTED!"

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."

Words that mean what they sound like...

Counterfeiters: workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.