Latest Jokes

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I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."

He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"

"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.

"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"

I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"

His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."

"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.

His answer... "The advice I just gave you."

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CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes
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I asked my doctor why it scratched the skin on the back of my hand when the dog pawed it.

He told me when you get older your skin gets thinner.

Happy to know this... it explains a lot about my disposition too.

1 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

I'm trying to eat healthy so I'm making some "whole grain" oatmeal cookies. I don't like raisins so I'm substituting them for M&M's.

I think their about the same thing, they both came from plants, right?!?!

1 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
4 votes
 

A long time ago, a father, visiting America for the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.

He constantly asked questions about products he saw, "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"

"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?"

"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |