Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke Two robbers steal a goat and two chickens.
They decide to split the loot so one robber says to the other, "You take one chicken, and me and the goat will take the other one."
Two beefy men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.
As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.
The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.
I really had no choice but to pay them.
As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van.
I told them my fee was $45.
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.
"What took you so long, son?" he asked.
"The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even."
"How?"
"I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be fun at eight o'clock."
A manufacturer retired and moved to the country. He put on denims, boots, and a plaid shirt, and became a country gentleman. An old friend came to visit. The country gentleman showed him around.
In the barn, chewing at straw nonchalantly, was the farm's pride and joy, a horse. The host asked, "Wanna go for a buggy ride?"
"I've never been in a buggy," the guest said.
"I go riding just about every day. I hitch up and ride through the woods."
The country gentleman started to harness up the horse, but the animal, happy enough in the barn, resisted having the bit put in his mouth. It was obvious that the new farmer had no idea of how to harness a horse. After the tenth attempt to get the horse to open its mouth so the bit could be slipped in, the guest said, "Why don't you wait until he yawns?"
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