Her: At least invite me out to dinner.
Him: I don't go out with married women.
Her: But I'm your wife.
Him: I make no exceptions.
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar badly.
And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar... badly.
I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.
If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.
How Buzz Aldrin introduces himself...
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon... Neil before me!"