Best Jokes

A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street.

A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.

The snail looks up and says, "What the heck was that all about?!?!"

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car's engine suddenly turned off.

It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa tried to get the car to start up again.

Finally she gets out and approaches the guy behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be so kind and try if you can get it fixed for me? I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add to the starting line-up. The coach asks, "What did you bring that horse here for?"

The scout replies, "Wait until you see him bat."

All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point, the horse grabs the bat, and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse. The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home plate when astonishingly the horse hits the ball deep in the outfield.

The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base. The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, "If he could run, he'd be at Belmont!"

Q: Why is there only one Yogi Bear?

A: Because the second one was a Boo-Boo.