Best Jokes

2 votes

"Push harder!" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.

"I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone!" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.

2 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "aod318" |
$8.00 won 2 votes

Teacher: "Children, there will be only a half-day of school this morning."

Johnny (in back seat): "Whoopee! Hurray!"

Teacher: "Silence. We'll have the other half this afternoon."

2 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" |
$5.00 won 2 votes

I never got along well with my dad.

Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad."

I'd just say, "Yeah, when?"

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "greens52" |
$9.00 won 2 votes

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

2 votes

posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |