Best Jokes

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?

He looks through the cattlelog.

Remember when we cried as kids, our parents replied with, "I'll give you something to cry about!"

We just never thought that, instead of hitting us, they'd destroy the housing market, quadruple college tuition, and melt the polar ice caps.

DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom.

ME: *pulls into rest stop*

DAUGHTER: Thanks.

ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes.

DAUGHTER: I will.

ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once.

DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother.

ME: Exactly.

What do you call a pan of wiggling cinnamon rolls?

Abundance!