Best Jokes

Customer: "How much are these tomatoes?"

Owner: "Ninety-nine cents a pound."

Customer: "What? The stand down the road only charges seventy-nine cents a pound!"

Owner: "Then why don't you shop there?"

Customer: "They don't have any today."

Owner: "Well, when I don't have any I charge seventy-nine cents, too!"

What would you call a bad-tempered gorilla with cotton wool in his ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

A stranger accosted an Irishman walking along a roadway in New Jersey. "Say, Pat, how far is it to Newark?"

"How did ye know my name?"

"I guessed it."

"Thin guess how far it is to Newark."

The young bullfrog, full of himself, went off to find a wife. He met a cute female porcupine, and quickly fell in love with her.

He told his father about his love, and his father was appalled! "Why would you want to marry a porcupine," he asked, bewildered.

"Well," said the young frog, "the elephant wouldn't have me."