I called my stockbroker and told him I wanted to buy some cannabis stocks.
He told me I had to open a joint account.
A sales rep for a publisher of accounting reference materials was talking to a customer about a guide to assist with preparing for an audit. The way she described their organization led him to believe they might have an internal audit department.
I asked, "Do you have an in-house auditor?"
"No," she answered. "We have an outhouse auditor."
Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kanobe were visiting a Chinese restaurant one day. After being brought their meals, Luke attempted to use the chopsticks, but never quite got the hang of it and kept dropping food everywhere, with utterly frustrated him.
"Do not despair, young Skywaler," Obi-Wan said. "Just use the forks."
Customer: "How much are these tomatoes?"
Owner: "Ninety-nine cents a pound."
Customer: "What? The stand down the road only charges seventy-nine cents a pound!"
Owner: "Then why don't you shop there?"
Customer: "They don't have any today."
Owner: "Well, when I don't have any I charge seventy-nine cents, too!"