Psychiatrist: "I have good news, Mr. Branson, after our sessions together, I've discovered that you absolutely do not have an inferiority complex."
Mr. Branson: "Oh, that's wonderful, doc! How did you find out?"
Psychiatrist: "I've come to the conclusion that you, are actually inferior."
Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks!
My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him. "How much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five," answered Felix.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."